Epiphany

I just had an epiphany.

I've been asked a lot why I want to go to grad school, by teachers, parents, friends, applications etc. In fact, I ran into an old professor today who asked me if I've found a good reason for going. And while the reason has been there the whole time, I've just now understood how to explain it to others.

i want to be an expert

So far, I've only understood my reasons for grad school to be a goal of furthering my education with feminist studies in literature. However, this really doesn't seem like enough. I've had plenty of discourse in feminist theory, literature, and movements, and yet I feel that I have just barely scraped the surface of it all. But is that really a good reason to go to grad school?

For me, yes. For others, maybe not.

However, what if I put it differently. What if I said, "I want to be an expert in the field of feminism. Feminist movements, feminist literature, and especially modern feminism." When someone hears/reads the word "expert," they generally associate the term with someone who is well versed in every aspect of the field. This "someone" may have a Ph.D., at least an M.A., and may even be a part of some historical association that obsesses over the chosen field. Yes, that is what I want. More so than teaching college, I want to be an expert. I want to have libraries (note the plural) of feminist texts, feminist history, and even non feminist texts that have instances of female success.

The way I like to put it is "I'm addicted to dead women in texts." I'm addicted to finding instances of women who have either died or killed themselves and why. I blame it all on a professor I had freshman year who taught the book The Road by Cormac McCarthy. The mother killed herself and now I'm obsessed with femininity and death.

Yes, I could see myself doing all of these things. But more than that I want to be an expert.


So that's my epiphany.
And since we're on a more informal note, I'd also like to ask you to check out my 3 other literary blogs. I've created them for my classes, as a way to organize my thoughts and research for class. They are linked over to your right -------->

no question today, just thoughts

❤